Evolution According to Caleb

"I didn't know monkeys like apples," says Caleb one morning noticing my nightgown.

"I think they're cherries...oh, no I guess you're right, they are apples. Well, that shouldn't be too surprising to you: you like apples and you believe you descended from monkeys."

"I descended from Minions! I LOOOVE bananas."

Where Babies Come From

Caleb came into our room for snuggles and announced, "I had a dream I had two sisters and mom gave birth and one of them was an egg and I was holding it and then dropped it and it cracked." Joseph mentioned the dream may have had some roots in the movie Caleb had seen the evening before: Penguins of Madagascar. (Oh, and it turns out the cracked egg hatched just fine.)

Judging a Book by Its Cover

I wasn't feeling up to going to church and so, when the guys came home, Caleb found me on my bed with some books. He picked one of them up, "Becoming Myself - You already are yourself. You don't need to read a book about becoming yourself!?"

Do you KNOW what you will be when you grow up?

Over lunch I asked Caleb is he was still thinking of a career in the Army when he leaves home.

"Not thinking about it."

Surprised, I sought clarification, asking what he might want to do instead. He indicated he wants to join the army, so I asked, "oh, so you're not thinking about it, you're planning on it?"

"Not planning to, I'm going to!"

Nice to see some things don't change. He has had his heart set on this for well over four years now. Branch specific, not simply military, ARMY!

What's Unlucky to Caleb Is Our Pot of Gold

"I'm the unluckiest kid ever."

"Why is that?"

"I'm adopted, I don't have any brothers and I'm an...outtie...what's that letter?"

[He does have an outtie belly button which I think is the cutest one I've ever seen and I thought maybe that's what he was talking about until he said that about the letter.]

"The letter?"

"Yeah, you know, the letter that means I like to be around people."

"Oh, an 'E' -- and 'extrovert'?"

"Yeah, I'm adopted, I have no brothers and I'm an 'E'."

"What's unlucky about being an extrovert?"

"Well, I have no brothers, nobody to play with."

"Oh, what's unlucky about being adopted?!? Adopting you is about the 'luckiest' thing that ever happened to Dad and Me!!!"

As so often happens, the conversation got distracted from there and my heart was left in pieces on the living room floor.

The Measure of One's Life

"They fit all of his life into seven discs! That's short."

Caleb's current audio book is on the life of Benedict Arnold. A lot of the stories he has been listening to are eleven discs in length.

"How many discs do you think it would be if they turned your life story into an audio book? Eleven?"

"Yeah. [Pause, moment of thought.] No, thirteen."

The boy has aspirations. I have always said he needs more than one life to live in order to do all he hopes to.

Tough Jobs Call for Rough Languange

After not playing with his Playmobil for months, Caleb had finally pulled them out again. I was on my bed semi-distracted (painting my fingernails) as he had a game of cops and robbers going nearby when I suddenly heard:

"Get in the car D*** it!"

"Caleb, that's not something to be saying."

"Why not?"

"You know how we've explained that words are like knives. Well, that one is like a sharp, sharp knife. It's not for everyday use. It may have its uses, but it is certainly not for play."

[This is a concept that we got from the book "Loving the Little Years" by Rachel Jancovic.]

"Well, what can he [the police man] say then?"

"How about 'Darn it'?"

"Well, that doesn't sound like a real police officer. This is a realistic game."

Melting Mama's Heart

On our annual road trip to Leavenworth (enjoying the gorgeous autumn colors along the way), we were talking about beauty.

Me: "What comes to your mind when you think of beauty, Caleb?"

Caleb: "I don't know." (No surprise here.)

Me: "What's the most beautiful thing you can think of...that you have seen?"

Caleb: (without missing a beat) "You."

Debt Free Living

Over lunch I think I burst Caleb's bubble by explaining to him that Papa doesn't actually own his house but rather that the bank does. And it's pretty much that way for most people.

He will not be one of those.

"I could live with someone while I save up enough money to pay to build my own house. It would take...maybe two years. We [I'm pretty sure he was meaning wife and kids] would live with a friend, someone we know pretty well who wouldn't mind. Beothan, maybe! That could probably work."

I got the sense that in his mind this friend would have already gone through this process of saving and building and owning free and clear and I can only say, in light of that, his choice made absolute sense to me.

I GUESS I Knew This Day Would Come

"Are you adopted?"

Silence.

"Is he adopted?"

"Yes. Why?"

---

"Did you tell them I was adopted?"

"Yes."

"WHYYY?!?"

"Well, they asked, and I didn't know there was any reason not to."

"I don't want them to know!"

Insert broken Mama's heart here. Delete rest of conversation that followed.

---

If you have ever stumbled into the use of the term "real Mom" around me, you have probably found yourself in the presence of what is known as a Mama Bear. You may have left licking a few wounds. The thing is, I cannot imagine how Caleb could feel any more like my "real" child if he had crawled out of my womb. In fact, there are days that friends and I ask each other, "are you sure I didn't give birth to this child?"

And I think somehow, from that place of "real" mothering, I let myself slip into the naive fantasy that we could somehow avoid those potholes (or will they be ravines?) of wrestling with the reality of how Caleb came into our family. How others will engage that but really more importantly, how Caleb will settle that as he finds his true identity.

My hope and prayer for him is that who he is in relation to Joseph and me is never the most significant thing about him. And as he looks to his True Father, he will see that we are all like he is: adopted, desired and delighted in.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

~Romans 8:15-17

But now thus says the , he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you,...”

~Isaiah 43:1, 4a 

Real Mom (aka MOM, MAMA, MOMMY) - the one who has been raising him, and FIGHTING FOR him, all his life

Real Mom (aka BIRTH Mom) - the one who gave him the gift of life and chose a forever family for him